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November 23 My Boy...Is a very honest child, very straightforward and to the point. Walking home from rehearsals yesterday he announces, totally out of the blue.... 'Mummy, which of those new nintendos that you are hiding on top of your wardrobe is mine, I'd like the blue one please and is the football table mine too?' I was stunned, had to laugh, asked him how he had known to look on there, turns out he noticed the edge of a box and had pulled over my bedsise table to reach and see what was up there, seems he told Marianne too, so now they both know that I'm replacing their old nintendos for xmas, damn! Pointed out it wouldn't be much of a surprise now and he told me that it was ok, he didn't really want a surprise, but I could buy him a transformer if I wanted to surprise him, bless.
Kids :) November 20 AlmostTen cigarette free weeks, almost crumbled last saturday , after the really bad gales overnight I had no sat' TV (I don't watch it but the kids...) one of the backyard gates hanging on by a hinge, that was bloody hard to fix as they are 7 foot long each and damned heavy, worked out that wedging it up was the easiest way to do it, the sat' TV had me sat with my head in my hands as I really hadn't budgeted for that going wrong, but must have been something and nothing as the reception was back on sunday. I digress, anyway I was stressing quite badly and thought "a ciggy will make it all better" so, off to the shop only to be refused a pack of cigs! I had told the chap in the shop (we talk a lot because he's a gamer too hehe) not to sell me cigs under any circumstances, no matter how much I begged and pleaded, and bless him he stuck to it! Glad he did too, I would hate to let my kids down, they are so proud of me for giving up :)
Had a mini concert yesterday, Owen has been having flute lessons and played me the song that he learned, and some 'tunes' that he made up himself, loved every minute of it, he really throws himself into everything that is put infront of him and does the best he can with it, amazing child.
Parents evening, as usual was an absolute joy, people say I must push them too hard with the results that they get, not so, they are both very bright, I just encourage them not push, they love learning and I hope that never stops.
Work...hm, lets not go there, moving departments so, we will see how it goes, eh. October 21 The Hamster...Died tonight... Two years old, so pretty much as old as hamsters get, kids upset, but will not get another small cage mammal. Thing is, I got it out of the cage, it was stiff and cold but it's front paws were twitching, so wasn't quite sure what to do, leave it in it's nest 'til it stopped, or (this sounds awful...) dispose of it. Phoned my mum, she said to just deal with it and dispose of it, which I suppose is the best thing, so I did and now I'm trying not to think about it as I really need to sleep tonight, having only totalled around six hours sleep since Saturday night and I am shattered.
Owen's not been well, was up Sunday night with a very bad cough, so I stuck him in with me to keep an eye on him, had to collect him from school early on Monday as he was getting worse so was up with him most of monday night as well, a little better yesterday and he got a good nights sleep, but I couldn't sleep at all, despite (or inspite of) being very very tired, the last time I looked at the clock before I did manage to sleep , it was 3:20am :/ Anyway, kids in bed now and I'm on my way too, just hope I manage to sleep tonight! October 03 Three...Whole weeks without a ciggie, had to stop using the patches as they were giving me very vivid and bad dreams, hardly using the gum either , to be honest I'd rather not be reliant on the therapeutic nicotine, so it's cold turkey from now on, quite pleased with myself, am finding it annoying when out, how many people smoke in the street and it can be unavoidable, walking through a cloud of just puffed out ciggie smoke is pretty rank, I feel embarrassed that I was guilty of it a few weeks ago. Worse still is talking to someopne who has just had one, did I really smell like that??
I know, nothing worse than a reformed smoker, but you don't realise how nasty it is for other people who don't smoke until you stop.
Work all weekend, quite stressed about this and te hours I'm working in general, some things at work are very unfair at the moment, and I will more than likely rant about it tonight! September 20 My baby....Goes on her first trip away from home tomorrow (well, she has been away with her dad before, but this is with school, so it's a big event!) Five days in the lakes, typical outward bound kind of thing, she can't wait, case packed, re-packed, checked and re-packed several times to make sure we haven't forgotten anything, a voluntary early night. I'm excited for her and I am going to miss her so much, Owen says I have not to worry, we will 'hang out' together and have fun while she is away. No worries about it, she is a very sensible and responsible child... It's next year when Owen goes that I'm dreading! I'll think about that then, no point worrying in advance!
Am now 8 days smoke free, very proud of myself, it's not been easy, but hopefully this time I will give up for good and not go running out for a pack at the first sign of stress!
Not updated for a while, nothing much exciting happening, still no man in my life (I give up on sites and suchlike, am sure there is someone out there and if there is he'll come along sooner or later without me looking, leave it to fate is best I think!), still spending way too much time gaming, still pissed off with work hehe... Nope, nothing much to report at all! August 09 Starring Roles!The kids just phoned, today was audition day for the next show that they are involved in , and of course, again, both of them are in lead roles, the show is similar to the last one, (assorted songs from well known musicals) and Marianne has the part of Simba in three songs from Lion King and Owen has the part of.... can't remember the name, some bird Z... something or other, Lion King was never one of my favourites to be honest!
So proud of them, they have both been rehearsing all week and it's paid off, can't wait for the show, few months to go yet though!
Odd moment today, had taken Dave for a walk and ended up walking a short distance behind the kids, their dad and his girlfriend, did not make my presence known though, because for some reason (sure I have mentioned it before here) his girlfriend really dislikes me, she hardly knows me, has no reason to dislike me that I can think of... Insecurity? Jealousy? God knows, I certainly don't! She's a very clingy and posessive type seemingly...Oh well, he's happy and she's good with the kids.
Anyway, a picture from the last show with both of my babes in :) Marianne as Annie and Owen, knelt down next(ish) to her.
 August 08 Two Weeks...Off work, and this week the kids are staying with their dad all week, always has them one week out of the year, but he booked the wrong week as he usually has them when I'm working... no work and no kids, what am I going to do?! Good job I have the pup, lots of walks planned, but he does tire after a short while so I can't take him far...hmmm. At least my shopping for the week should be straightforward, 7 bottles of wine and 7 assorted pizzas should do it!    July 25 Well.....Feel worse today... have very swollen painful glands as well as headache and chills etc, had to go out to the shop as I have noone to help me at the moment, can't (or don't want to rather) phone my dad. My mum had a 'funny turn' in Tesco yesterday morning, and it panicked her, I got a call from them asking for my dad to go get her as soon as he got back to mine with the Tamiflu, then my mum phoned on her mobile, crying and upset, was awful, nothing I could do as I'm not supposed to leave the house. Luckily my sister works in the town, in the same place as me, so, phoned her and she was round to my mum in minutes. Mother who hates fuss insisted on getting a taxi home, my sister (being a first aider) not happy with this, wanted to get her an ambulance, but she still said no, Any how, my dad came back with the flu meds, told him to get home asap. My sis phoned him and told him in no uncertain terms to get mum up to A&E asap, he did, it's looking like she has a 'mild heart condition' she was kept in overnight for tests.
So, I really don't want to phone my dad for anything! July 24 The Divorce..Goes to court today, niether of us need to attend as it is uncontested. So, bar the final letter, today my marriage is finally over. A bittersweet day, we had a good marriage, I still love him, he knows that, just not in the ways that I should, but we have our friendship (not that his girlfriend likes that!) and we have two fabulous kids.
Just realised it's the 24th, odd we got married on the 24th and now we get divorced on the 24th (different months of course!)
Anyway I feel like poo, swollen glands, huge tonsils, a really bad headache, not fun, question is do I go to work, I don't actually feel that bad that I would want to phone in sick (I rarely phone in sick, I have to be bedridden before I call in!) but with all the panic about SF I'm unsure what to do, but I don't fancy calling a hotline manned by someone with 3 hours training and a checklist... Besides if it was flu I would know about it! Only four hours to work this afternoon then the weekend off, so not too bad.
On with the day!
*edit* after feeling increasingly shitty, I phoned and have been issued Tamiflu, which my dad is currently on a mission to collect for me :( told to stay in the house and at least a week off work. It is a concern having had pneumonia in the past 2 years, I'd much rather be fine and at work though. July 21 Oh Dear...The company the ex works for has gone into admin today... Was in tears when he picked the kids up, has a new car which still needs paying for, planning his wedding, obligation to the kids (obviously I have agreed that we will manage without that if possible, but it will be tight without it, uniforms for next term, things that Marianne needs for the outward bound she is going on in sept...)
Is it horrid to say that at times like this, I am so glad that we are not together?
Since we split he has gone silly with his money, if he has it, it gets spent, odd, he was never like that when we were together, anyway, he says he will have no problem getting another job nothing like being positive, eh, he is an engineer (operates CNCs and suchlike) but, he doesnt have his papers, never finished his apprenticeship, and I didn't like to point out the obvious... Rising unemployment and a hell of a lot of people already out of work looking for jobs. Also, if he does get another job, his hours affect mine etc and things are bad enough regarding that at the moment, being heavily reliant on my mum while the kids are off school and her having to pick them up sometimes when they are at school. *sigh*
Oh well day off tomorrow, hope the weather improves for it! July 12 Rehearsals!Rehearsals for the new Starcast show begin on the 2nd of August, kids of course just can't wait, we have no idea yet what the show will be, doesn't really matter!
Three days off now :) Only advantage to working a sunday is an extra day off in the week, must ring vets tomorrow to arrange Daves check up and injections, apart from that, nothing much to do for the next few days apart from relax :) July 11 hehe...Seems I have a bottle of carpet cleaner and a scrubbing brush welded to my hand, chasing Dave round and trying to catch him before he 'gets down' (as my mum puts it) on the carpet for a pee, I need to be faster so I can get him on the newspaper in the kitchen! He is the sweetest thing, he and Kit seem to be getting a bit more used to each other, Kit got close to him last night and was patting him with a paw (claws in too, good cat!) It's looking good!
A joke that Owen told me yesterday, had me laughing hard...
Q: Whats 40 feet long and smells of pee?
A: Line dancers in an old folks home.
:) July 10 New Addition to the Family!Dave :)
Jack Russell/Patterdale terrier cross, he's tiny, we all love him, have talked to the kids about the importance of not neglecting Kit now that we have a pup too, Kit seemed a little disconcerted but I'm sure they will be used to each other soon!
      School Reports...A day I always look forward to because I know I am going to love what I read on the kids reports, ...Nothing like being able to tell the world how bloody good your kids are, and mine are exceptional! Straight A's for both, and following is the headteachers comments for each of them. I am very very proud and they are in for a very special surprise this evening!
Marianne:
Truly wonderful! I loved seeing Marianne perform at Thwaites Theatre recently.She was superb.I am very proud that she attends Redeemer School. She is a real credit to you her family and to herself. A wonderful report, for a wonderful little girl. Well done!
Owen:
Words seem inadequate to describe what is so special about Owen. All that meet him adore him, his enthusiasm for life and learning is a joy to behold. I was so proud and emotional when I saw him perform recently at Thwaites Theatre. He has a rare innocence and enthusiasm and I feel priviliged to have him in school.Owen you are a true star and I am so excited to see what you will achieve next year. Well done! July 09 Is There Any Point...In dating... Well, in internet dating anyway (thinking of my blog the other day...) I have a date on Saturday, chap who messaged me on the site I am on, now part of me is thinking 'here we go again', I am trying to find a part of me that is actually looking forward to it but I can't. Not good.
It's not a case of having been through the mill or anything I have had few dates in the time I have been single compared to others, it's how it all comes about, on a dating site. There seems to be a standard rule set.
. Message on site for roughly a week
. Move the 'conversation' to MSN
. Exchange phone numbers
. Meet
Then whatever happens, and it's all this that I really have had enough of, anyone who knows me knows I hate MSN, I tend to be very short and to the point on there on the rare occaisions that I use it, I now flat out refuse to 'chat' to anyone from the site on there, but it's not just that, it's the whole selection process, browse the pictures, see one you like, check out the profile, message etc, yes you can compare to a real life situation where you see the person before you speak to them but it just does not compare in any other way. And of course refer to my previous blog about online behaviour, I won't go there again with that, already said it all regarding that part of it.
I may cancel the date/meet/whatever the hell it is, in the frame of mind I am in at the moment, there seems no point in going, at all.
*edit* Friday... I did cancel the date! July 03 The DivorceHearing is in court on the 24th July at 10:00am! Neither of us has to attend as it is not contested, the ex was almost jumping for joy when I told him I had got the letter (he is already engaged to be married, though that doesn't seem to stop him trying to cop a feel of my arse when he comes round for the kids, wish he'd stop that!) hehe, anyway assuming I will get some kind of confirmation letter soon after this and then that will be it!
Quiet weekend on the horizon, nothing new there then...hmmm! June 28 I Fail To Be.......Shocked by most things these days, we become inured to most things due to being fed a constant stream of records of violence, acts of abhorrence, hatred and intolerance by the media in all it's forms, be it the papers, TV, radio and of course now the internet too. We watch films with images so graphic and violent and realistic that after a while the intended shock doesn't actually register anymore, it's the way that the world is now.
I used to find myself shocked and in disbelief at the way people on the internet treat each other.
Delete... a means of correcting a typing error, by definition to remove by striking out or canceling. Seems to take on a whole new meaning in internet communication, not to remove a typing error but to remove a person instead.
I see little humanity on the internet, no feeling, no realism, people are not people, merely images, a pretty picture, a few lines on an instant messaging application, easy to turn off, ignore, delete. I find that the longer I spend on the internet, the more that I crave realism, the want/need to hear a voice instead of read lines of type, to see in the flesh rather than stare at an inch square picture. I 'speak' to very few people online these days, I think I have commented before that it seems to be a world of smoke and mirrors...People seem to create their own illusions of what they want to be perceived as.
It brings forth the question of trust, can you trust? I am myself a trusting person, I will trust someone until they show that they cannot actually be trusted, this having led me into sorry situations in the past, so I now find myself questioning my ability to take people that I meet online at face (or should that be picture..) value.
Why am I thinking these things on such a nice day, sat outside with my lappy, wine, in the sun, music in the background, hmmm... Too much time on my hands as usual to ruminate on these things maybe, or maybe trying to take my mind off other things (It's not working)
Suits my mood today..." I always thought that I knew, I'd always have the right to, be living in the kingdom of the good and true"... ye ye, dream on eh.
Oh yes, anyone new visiting, please do me the honour of signing the guestbook, always nice to know who's passed through! June 14 So Proud :DOf my kids, the show was brilliant (photos to be added later) To see them on stage singing their hearts out was incredible, Marianne has such a beautiful voice, her performance as Annie was fantastic, and Owen... he just steals hearts whatever he does and wherever he goes, everybody loves him. The whole show was excellent, very professional, am one very happy very proud mum :) June 12 It's Showtime!!Well, tomorrow anyway :) Don't know who is more excited, the kids or me! I hope the turnout is good, when I got my tickets two weeks ago about a 1/3 had been sold, so promising I think... Their dad has managed to get all the front row seats, but, it's not a huge theatre and it's a good view wherever you are seated... I can't wait!! Hopefully get some pics up on Sunday (if they let us take any....hmmm)
Not liking these new hours at work, not at all, feel like I have less of a life than ever before and I never had much of one before the change :/ *sigh* least I have a job, eh. So, all tidy, just passing a few minutes to catch up on here before I stroll on up the road to work.
Good luck? We all need a bit of that, I never have much but I'm wishing it to two people, Shaan, I hope you get the job! Peter for.... well, top secret, can't talk about it!! Got my fingers crossed for you :) June 08 All Fired Up...To sit down and blog about a subject that I can rant on about for hours (the internet and the behaviour of people on it) Peter called and after the details of his new blossoming romance, this was our main topic of conversation...Problem is, now that I have dragged myself out of bed, got coffee, logged on, I have pretty much lost the inclination to write anything! Hmmm, anyway am sure (can't be bothered to go through the archives) that I did a rather long rant on this subject roughly a year or so ago.
Should not have made coffee, good job I don't have work tomorrow, but hey... Sleep is for the weak! Gametime. Where should I go...Norrath or Azeroth.... |
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